Chicago Neighborhoods Illustrated: Via Hats

Welcome to my newest re-occurring feature. In this I will use my superior skills of observation to make poignant statements based completely on visual only queues I receive day to day as I am forced to travel through this fine city. This week: Hats.

1. Ukrainian Village

The Trilby is a common choice of the aging hipster in an area that is only a stones throw away from being the next Lincoln Park. Not only does it show that the wearer is 'With It', it also covers that growing bald spot/ the fact that I no longer care enough about my appearance to do something with my hair. If you are unsure whether you have run in to an aging hipster such as this, inquire about any of the following; his kid, his wife, his 401k. If he answers affirmatively to any of these things, usually with a guilty wince, you should give him a reassuring pat on the shoulder and resume shotgunning 4LOKOs. You crazy kid. 

2. Wicker Park

  This person has been spinner buckle deep in the urban lifestyle since he was able to get out of Skokie and become the def individual he always dreamed of. A fitted cap shows that hair is for posers, as the hat is so well fitted it can only be removed from the head by a qualified associate at Lidz, and only then if it is immediately replaced with another cap, presumably with the logo of what ever sport team's colors match his outfit, or possibly a piece from his bro's Streetwear line. All of these things are 2Legit. Talk to this person about drippy markers, dope throwies, some obscure rapper that only exists on MySpace, or limited edition banana flavored Japan only issue Dunks. If this person approaches you on the street and asks you if you like rap music, your best plan of action is to pull your shirt neck over your face and howl until he leaves. 

3. Humboldt Park

 I ONLY DIY/BUY ON ETSY- GUESS WHICH LOL IDK

4. Logan Square

No one will ever know that I couldn't do anything with/wash my hair today if I cover it with this knit sack. It is alpaca yarn and that makes me a better person then you. Plus it kind of makes me look like Smurfette, the most fashion forward of all the Smurfs. 

5. Wrigleyville 

This image was an easy joke.

6. Bridgeport

This image is obviously a non-sequitur. 

7. Evanston

He is being even more smug then usual because he noted that Evanston is not actually part of the city of Chicago, just a poncy leech suburb to the north. 

8. Rogers Park

Oi! Oi! Oi!